| OMG. i am SO fat. i weighed myself over the weekend and i'm up to 133!! *DIES*
i know part of it is because i've been on the pill for about 6 months and it's definitely made me gain at least 5 pounds. then, i'm also bloated + fat from eating everything in sight (stupid PMS).
i need to lose weight and get down to at least 125.. then 120... then 115... *sigh. i'm so miserable. i look fat + ugly in pictures and my face is humongous. i can feel so much fat clinging to my stomach and thighs. i'm like that girl where people say, "oh she gained a lot of weight" when they run into after not seeing you in a few months.
so fucking depressing. must. lose. weight. NOW.
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| went to the gym for the first time in months. ran a couple miles on the treadmill and did the elliptical for 15 minutes. feeling good sore today.
also went to the doctor and weighed in at 124 pounds but i was carrying some extra weight from PMS. i swear, i gain up to 10 pounds the week before my period from water retention and pigging out and as soon as i get it, my appetite automatically shrinks and so does my body.
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| weight before dinner : 121.6
weight after dinner: 123.8
going to aim for 120 by the end of next week...
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| omg. i have been binging NONSTOP for the past week because of my period. i am a fat FAT FAT!!! 129 pounds. must diet... *_________*
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| oh my. what a busy week. i def gained a few pounds but i'm feeling a bit happier lately so it all equals out. i've been eating ice cream sandwiches (skinny cow) like there is no tomorrow. i ate 4 in the past 12 hours. *sigh... but really all i've eaten today is one ice cream sandwich, two orange gummies, and some chocolate covered gummy bears. oh and starbucks coffee... light iced coffee which is only 35 calories!
 
this is me today. sorry for the junk on the mirror, too lazy to wipe/clean.
the good: usually when i lose weight, my stomach sees results first, it gets amazingly flat and my waist (which is already pretty small) looks so good! i love my collar bones too... tube tops are really flattering on me in the summer. i like that i have wide hips because it gives me great shape when i'm wearing tight clothes. i have nice sized boobs for an asian girl (34b)... i can smush them down or push them up to have massive cleavage. personally, i love when i lose weight and my boobs shrink... i think they are overrated and too overtly sexual most of the time.
the bad: my biggest problem areas these days are my arms. i used to work out a lot and they were toned forever until i lost weight afterwards and gained back pure fat. my absolute WORST lifelong enemy are my short bowlegs. i have to admit, those photos up there don't really look it though but in real life, trust me, its ugly. i really have to struggle to find pants that look good. even my parents say that i look fat when i wear jeans :( i can't get zippered knee high boots either... it creases awkwardly at the ankle where my legs start to bow outwards.
i wish i had a nice juicy butt too. anyway, i am planning to lose 10 pounds by may. i hope this actually happens... i would fit into extra smalls without ever having to try anything on... my face always looks so much prettier and clears up from any pimples... and most importantly, i feel so much more confident and happy (not lazy, anxious, and depressed like usual)...
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